Navigating the Dating World After Divorce: Challenges and Tips for Success
Being recently divorced can leave you in a scary and unfamiliar place. Particularly for long-term partnerships, it can often leave you feeling like you’ve lost the other half of you and don’t know how to operate properly as an individual, let alone even begin to think about how to start dating after divorce.
The sometimes overwhelming surge of emotions and grief will pass with time though and once you start dating after a divorce again, then it only gets more complicated. So here’s our guide to getting past those challenges and rediscovering happiness with someone new.
1. Don’t date until you’re ready
It’s important not to rush the process. Until you’ve dealt with residual emotions and psychological hang ups from your previous marriage, you’ll likely have a dysfunctional approach to dating, which could lead to even further emotional turmoil. Take it step by step and try to stay in the moment.
2. Try to figure out what went wrong in your previous marriage
There may have been behavior or communication modes that you developed during your previous marriage that contributed to its gradual erosion and breakdown. So try to take inventory of what you think was to blame for your estrangement from your partner before looking at how to start dating after divorce.
3. Take your time
Baby steps are perfectly acceptable, and even advised, when reentering the dating pool. Your next date isn’t going to be your next partner so learn to just start enjoying the process of dating again. Don’t jump into a committed relationship too quickly but rather explore your options.
4. Figure out what you want first
What do you currently think you’re emotionally equipped for? You may not be ready for another relationship, so try to make up some goals for your new dating journey. They can be sexual, social or just exploring new things. This can outline a roadmap for your recovery process.
5. Try to stay realistic when looking at how to date after divorce
The fact is, you may be a bit older now, have more emotional baggage and potentially even children to consider while you explore dating. Know that this will affect your dating life and will change your dating model, so go for more healthy, realistic dating prospects.
6. Don’t get carried away
This doesn’t mean don’t date actively. Dr. Diana Kirschner’s book Love in 90 Days says, “Four out of five men you go out with will disappear,” and this likely holds similarly for men dating.
7. Get yourself out there
When looking at how to date after divorce, you may have thought your socializing days were winding down but you’re going to have to put effort in and attend more events and interact more freely with other singles if you’re hoping to find that next great love.
8. Check out the dating apps
When you’re looking at dating after a divorce, it’s impossible to ignore the influence of dating apps on the dating scene. Across the board, everyone’s online these days. If your marriage predated this trend then you may need some practice but luckily there’s no shortage of singles to get back into the swing of things.
9. Learn to enjoy it for the experience that it is
Try not to date with too much purpose but rather to rediscover the joy of dating, how engaging it is to get to know someone new and the novel experiences some dates can introduce you to, like an activity you haven’t tried before. The journey is as important as the destination.
10. There’s no such thing as failure
Whether it was a bad date or a good date, don’t let it feed into your expectations or self-esteem when it comes to dating. What’s important is you put yourself out there, explore your potential with someone and, hopefully, it can inform your future dating efforts.
Remember that dating after a divorce should be about you
Working on yourself and effectively finding love after a divorce can sometimes feel like an insurmountable mountain before you, and our emotional baggage only compounds the challenge. But like all journeys. They are taken one step at a time. As long as you’re taking steps, you’re moving forward and as long as you’re moving forward from your pain, you’re headed in the right direction.